Sunshine

You are my Sunshine

 My only sunshine.

You make me happy, 

When skies are gray.

You'll never know, dear, 

How much I love you.

Please don't take my sunshine away.

My Happiness

Happy Mother's Day to Me.

My beautiful children bring me so much joy and purpose, and I count their presence in our family as a miracle. I don't take them for granted for a single day. If my waiting to become a mother did anything for me, it was to give me a perspective on how precious my time is with my children.

This year, Alina has taught me:

• Maternal instinct is real to girls. She first started lighting up at the sight of her dolly at age 6 months--and she loves on anything with a face. If a doll or stuffed animal needs a hug or a squeal of delight, Alina meets that need with all the nurturing of her sweet little heart.
• That love is multiplied with a new addition to our family. Love in a family multiplies exponentially. It's one of the awesome things about families and love.
• That she will want to become just like me. Her favorite things to hold or to touch are the piano, my wallet, my phone, and the laptop. I hope she also notices that I am on the floor playing with her every day, and that I turn my ringer off often (too often, maybe?) so I am not at the beckon call of my phone. I enjoy hearing from people over the phone, but I want technology to be available at my leisure, not at the expense of time with my children.
• That patience is a virtue that she comes with to bless our family. I have a lot to learn from my sweet daughter.

This year, David has taught me:

• That the most connecting moments we share are when he is learning something new, and I get to share in his enthusiasm and insatiable curiosity. 
• That connections and small moments of building up are so much more powerful than moments of impatience or frustration. Sometimes I think of David as my upper-level college course in parenting. He didn't come with the "101" label--we just went straight to the 500 and 600 level courses with this one. But it's refining to me, and I hope I am learning what I need to learn through our experiences together.
• Music is powerful, and it reaches to the very core of David's being. I love our moments together when we sing or play the piano. I cannot underestimate the gift of music he possesses, and the power for good in can be in his life.
• The best sound in the whole world is my children laughing together. 
• That scripture stories and scripture reading are something we can never get enough of in a day.

My Tiger

It just so happened that on the day we were going to court to attempt our finalization with Alina's adoption, David came home from preschool with his face painted like a tiger.

I was very amused, and put out a text to some family members to see if they thought we should wash it or leave it for our court appointment. 

I was very surprised for the overall call to "Leave the paint!" from those I asked. David was rubbing it off before I even asked him to, so it was a mute point in discussion between us--but for a few minutes, he really enjoyed being a tiger. Apparently even tigers love their mom enough to give her a dandelion bouquet.

 His tiger growl made it especially real.

My Helper

 Alina is the most content baby I've ever met--but she likes to be part of the action. If I am going downstairs to change out laundry, grab something from our food storage, or vacuum, she wants to go with me.

She enjoys being along for the ride, whatever that ride might be.

Pokey

 Alina has been showing off her cute, pointy tongue lately.

She's good at curling up that little end over her top lip (although she relaxed it a little each time I snapped a photo)

For a few days, she turned a little clingy, then finally Daddy found a pokey tooth on her bottom gums yesterday. That was easy teething! No sleepless nights, no cries of pain, just a curly tongue and a cuddly girl. As long as she was being held, she was perfectly content.

Enough.

Our Court date to finalize Alina's adoption came and went.

Only it didn't go as we had hoped.

We were short one paper--a court document that should have been prepared several months ago, but was somehow overlooked by our attorney. I understand that the law is the law, and we must comply. I get it that these laws are to protect children, and I don't argue with that. But I am terribly disappointed at the outcome of our hearing.

Alina's adoption isn't being contested. We have the interest and support of our dear Angel Birth Mother, LW. She is encouraging us along in the process, however long it takes. I feel so grateful that this is our relationship with her, as most adoptive couples that walk out of a court room without an adoption decree are not in the sure place that we are in, knowing the adoption will go through. No one was contesting us on the other side of the court room, and that by itself is a blessing to us.

The other table was empty--and on our side of the court room, we came prepared to testify. We hired an attorney to prepare the paperwork filed with the court, but we went to court pro se--representing ourselves. Even if the attorney had been in the court room with us, the outcome would have been the same.

We received permission from the agency five months ago to finalize this adoption. It took several weeks to find an attorney, another few weeks to get an appointment after we hired him, and then it was waiting for the postal service, waiting for paperwork, and waiting for a court date.

Finally, the day arrived, and we were at the court room for our 1:30 hearing.

I have heard about adoption hearings--how they are the cherry on top when it comes to family court; how the judge sometimes allows the child to sit in his/her chair, bang his/her gavel, offers to stand in for pictures, and overall helps everyone feel the celebration of creating the legal family ties that are already in place in every other way. We weren't in the court room when David's adoption was finalized as it happened in his birth state, and it was determined to be unnecessary for us to be in attendance. This was a new experience for us; I was expecting a celebration. 

The clerk of the court was so nice to us before and after the hearing. I didn't see the judge even look at us. Although I am told by the friend who came to snap photos (all photos were taken with permission of the court, don't worry) that he did look up from his papers once--while I was looking through our files to see if we had anything similar to the document that he was requesting.

The judge was purely justice. He was short and to the point--we needed one more document before we could finalize. I wish he had sworn us in, heard our testimony, and left the case "pending" to file this last court document--but he opened the court session and seven minutes later closed it without much ado. Now it's more waiting. Waiting for attorneys to make time for our case. Waiting for more paperwork. Waiting for the postal service to bring us what we need. Waiting for another court date.

As I held my sweet baby that night at bedtime, I connected all of the dots. We've been approved by the agency for five months. We've been delayed for five months. The legal proceedings are a formality for us, and nothing more. She is ours in every sense of the word. In a way, the legal proceedings don't really matter to me because they won't change anything in my heart from one moment to the next.

But I guess I have to admit that she is ours in almost every sense of the word. She is not yet ours eternally.

Legal proceedings are standing between us and taking Alina to be sealed to us in the temple. Now that's a different matter. It became clear that the delays are not in fighting anyone or anything in court--but it was the adversary that is trying to delay the blessings of the temple for our family. Alina is 8 months old next week. We are a temple worthy family. It is time. We need to take her to the temple, without any further delay. Once I understood the influence of the adversary over our delays for legal proceedings, my heart took courage. I can put up with legal proceedings being delayed. But I have no patience with Satan having a victory in delaying the blessing of the temple for our daughter. I don't know how to fight in a court room, but the power of my faith can overcome the power of Satan. Light always extinguishes the darkness, and it is time for the light of our faith to extinguish the uncertainty of when this process will be finalized.

We want to close on this adoption sooner rather than later. We want to keep our appointment to have her sealed to us at the end of May. If you are so inclined, will you join your faith and your prayers with ours that the finalization will happen immediately? It will be miraculous to find a solution and get back to court soon enough to see it through. We're not looking for a miracle here. We're looking for six or seven. It will take a lot of faith. We are grateful to have faithful friends and family whom we can call upon to help us see these miracles through.

It's something we want with our whole hearts. More importantly, we know that having Alina sealed to our family is a blessing that our Father in Heaven wants to grant to us.

Easter Princess

Every year, my mom made Easter dresses for my sisters and me. I need to get my hands on some of those pictures--I remember going to the store with her, finding pretty dresses on the rack, and Mom would take home a sketch of what we liked. Then we went to the fabric store, found a pattern and fabric, and on Easter morning we had shiny new dresses ready for us.

So this year I wanted to make a dress for my sweet baby girl.

I was excited the night before to have it ready to go.

 Add a pair of pretty shoes, a little barrette, and that gorgeous face--and I was really excited about it!

After church, Alina was patient while I took a few photos.

By the time I brought David into the pictures, she was done with the camera. She wanted to move on to her after-church bottle and nap.

This dress is a pre-cursor to the sealing dress I'll be making over the next few weeks. I definitely learned a few things--like silk fabric is too delicate for all the moving around of a small baby. 

When I was making an outfit for David's sealing, I kept putting pressure on myself to have it perfect. After all, it was for the temple. I wanted every stitch to be just right, all the raw edges to be covered, seams perfectly aligned. I kept getting frustrated with myself over my lack of perfection, when the Spirit taught my heart an important lesson. Going to the temple is not about being perfect. It is about striving. As long as I was offering my best, that is good enough for the Lord. So I'll approach Alina's temple dress with the same purpose of heart.