Alina and LW

As I was preparing for my trip, I had the thought to contact Alina's birth mother. My reasoning was that David's birth mother had a visit with him as we traveled through her home town at about the same age Alina was at the time I was traveling. I thought it was a long shot, because LW lives with her wonderful husband several hundred miles away from where I was going. But I figured that I would at least let her know, invite her for a visit, and see what she decided.

You can imagine my surprise when she immediately messaged me back to tell me that the dates I was going to be in Utah were the very same dates she was going to be in Utah. With very little extra effort on either of our parts, we got to arrange this playdate with Alina and LW. To make it even better, we got to meet LW's husband for the first time. It was a wonderful way to spend an afternoon together!

Alina was a bit clingy to me until I had LW put a pad of paper on her knee, then Alina drew close enough to color. From there LW moved to the floor and Alina grew more comfortable, as long as I was within sight. 

Then LW pulled out the big guns--her phone!! My phone had been off limits to Alina up to this point, so instantly LW had a new best friend.

Teddy, cell phone and LW. Alina was a content little girl!

Then life got even more exciting when the phone she was holding actually rang . . . and Philip was on the other end! Alina had a nice long chat with her new friends (which translates to: she refused to give up the phone once she had it).

They ended up bribing her with the phone once more to get a picture of the three of them together, but Alina was quick to be done--even with that bribe!

I am so grateful that we were able to meet up. I consider it a miracle that I had that thought and acted on it before it fled--my life was more than a little hectic leading up to my trip, so I attribute the arrangement of it all to be a miracle.

We love LW, and I hope next time Alina sees her that the little girl will be more open to finding a friend in LW. In due time, I am confident that Alina will love LW as much as we do. There's just no other way to feel about such a lovely example for our girl to look up to.

Our Temple Sealing

Please pardon the hiatus in my blogging. Our computer is on its last leg, and I haven't been able to access the photos I would like to publish on my blog. Miracle of miracles, I was able to open some files tonight with the photos from our temple sealing to Alina. I guess if the blog is going to be on the pause button for any length of time, these are the photos and feelings I would love to have as my header. I hope you enjoy hearing about our temple experience as much as we enjoyed having it. It was a truly sublime experience for our family--one that we'll remember forever.

***All Photos in this post were provided by Meggan Catanzaro--thank you for capturing our special day with your talents, Meggan!***

On September 10, 2014 our family was inside the Anchorage, Alaska temple of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to be sealed together for eternity. The sealing of a child to parents is parallel to a marriage. It first takes place according to the laws so it may be recognized legally. It then is performed before the Lord, seeking His blessing upon the family union.

"As we touch the temple and love the temple, our lives will reflect our faith . . . The temple provides purpose for our lives. It brings peace to our souls—not the peace provided by men but the peace promised by the Son of God when He said, 'Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.'" ~President Thomas S. Monson, 2010

The temple is significant in the LDS faith as a symbol of worship. It provides for us a refuge from the world, a place to go where we can leave behind our cares and worries, and focus on the things of eternity. On this day, the focus was our family. With authority from heaven, a sealer joined us together with our daughter Alina, and pronounced upon us the promise that we will be united as a family not only in this life, but throughout eternity.

The feelings of the day were similar to stepping back to take in a beautiful landscape. We rose above our day to day struggles and routines, and for just a few moments we tried to get a glimpse of forever. It was like we were on a peak; our vision and perspective all around us were beautiful and clear. Tomorrow we will return to our day to day cares, but today we could see a piece of heaven.

In that perspective, we felt love. The room was full of light. We emanated happiness and hope. Our faith in Jesus Christ was tangible--to see us through our weaknesses and trials, and help us return to live in the presence of God as a family. Because without having each other, would we ever achieve the feeling of arriving in heaven?

It is true that our family has been pasted together. First it was Sam and I, completely unrelated, but we made promises to each other, and before God that we would care for each other and form a family. Then along came David. He didn't make any promises--he was too little at birth. But Sam and I had to swear before a judge that we would care for him, love him, and provide for him. Alina came next and we promised it all over again, that this little girl would be our daughter in every legal sense of the word. Some may look at my family and see four different people with lives pieced together through marriage and adoption. To some, perhaps our family looks like a piece of paper that has been loosely taped, seams flattened, creases smoothed out. All the pieces are there, but the paper still looks pieced together. In our view, our family is made whole through the sealing power of the temple, which takes that piece of paper and makes it perfectly complete, without the slightest crease or flaw.  Our relationships were forged in the temple to be as permanent and lasting as if our children had been born to us. As a family we are made whole, because the atonement of Jesus Christ provides a way for us to be made perfect. Our relationships to each other were perfected in the sealing ordinance. 

When David was sealed to us as a baby, I remember how happy he was. His smile lit up the room.

With Alina's sealing, I will never forget how beautiful and radiant she looked. 

She was truly a sight to behold.

Her hair, her eyes, her dress, her soft smile, her little hand, her sweetness . . . all of it came together for this mother's heart to give me the most beautiful image I've ever seen. Yes, I want to be this little girl's mother for eternity.

Based on the feelings of the day, this arrangement suits our Alina, as well. 

We were blessed to have my parents join us for the temple sealing--they were in town for 25 hours, and we felt so grateful to have them with us. Their presence represented all of the extended family that is tied to Alina through this adoption and sealing. Alina has been loved and welcomed by extensive family on both sides. We all love her so.

 Also in the temple with us that day were: Leon & Marcie Clay, Heidi Clay, Gloria Parrett, Sonya McCants, Lindsay Weston, Shasta Petersen, Meggan Catanzaro, Laird Jenkins, and Rob & Kathy Everett. For being in the middle of the work day, and work week, we felt grateful that so many made an effort to join us on our special day.

Our Day in Court

It came back. We arrived home from our trip to Utah at 1:30 am, and twelve hours later we were at the court house to finalize our adoption with Alina. 

I kept kicking myself for agreeing to a court date immediately after we returned from such an exhausting trip. We had several meltdowns that morning, in spite of putting the kids back to bed right after breakfast. I wondered how we could possibly take two tired kids into the court house, particularly after our last experience. 

(Just a few last minute reminders and adjustments while we waited for the judge.)

Then there was the part of getting ourselves mentally prepared for the court room, and double checking that we were taking everything necessary with us. As we were trying to prepare that morning, I had flashbacks to when I traveled to Romania as a college student. I returned from a 2-week trip, took a short nap, then went and got a loan for my first car. I was so tired that day that I misplaced all the paperwork and couldn't find it for months. I thought I had learned my lesson back then, but here we were in what felt like very similar circumstances. I was worried that we would go back to court and again be raked over the coals. 

Just as we were trying to get out the door, all I wanted to do was lay down and take a nap--I was the only one who hadn't recovered from our late-night arrival. I was truly convinced that this was the wrong day to be going to court, and kept wondering what it would take to reschedule our time to the next available appointment. Why not? It's already been so long, what's another month?

As we pulled out of our driveway, we offered another family prayer on behalf of the adoption. By the time we arrived at the court house, my nerves and mind were ready. It was nothing short of a miracle. 

In fact, we saw several miracles that day. 

The first one was that we were assigned a different judge.


The second miracle was that as soon as she entered the court room, she smiled at us.


Clearly this was going to be a completely different experience. 

She put us at ease, and instead of having to offer up our prepared statements, she simply asked us all of the pertinent questions and all we had to say was yes or no. (Remember we were there pro se as we didn't hire an attorney for the court room, our legal help was only in preparing the forms to submit to the court.) 

She approved the additional paperwork we had submitted, and said that according to the findings of the court, she would recommend that our adoption be final and complete.

After we were done, Judge Gandbhir threw her arms up in the air and said, "This is the best part of my job! Can I come see the baby?!?"


She complimented David on how well behaved and quiet he had been, and asked permission to go get him a sucker. (The previous judge got upset with David for tapping his feet during the court session, so this was a completely different experience.) Judge Gandbhir was more than happy to take pictures with us.


Memorable? Yes

Final? Most definitely. (Pardon her seriousness--she was missing a much needed nap through all of this.)

 Our dear friend Petersen (aka Shasta) came as our photographer.

 Even when she's tired, David can get this little girl to smile.

Come to think of it, by the end of our 20 minutes, we were all beaming ear to ear.

Enough.

Our Court date to finalize Alina's adoption came and went.

Only it didn't go as we had hoped.

We were short one paper--a court document that should have been prepared several months ago, but was somehow overlooked by our attorney. I understand that the law is the law, and we must comply. I get it that these laws are to protect children, and I don't argue with that. But I am terribly disappointed at the outcome of our hearing.

Alina's adoption isn't being contested. We have the interest and support of our dear Angel Birth Mother, LW. She is encouraging us along in the process, however long it takes. I feel so grateful that this is our relationship with her, as most adoptive couples that walk out of a court room without an adoption decree are not in the sure place that we are in, knowing the adoption will go through. No one was contesting us on the other side of the court room, and that by itself is a blessing to us.

The other table was empty--and on our side of the court room, we came prepared to testify. We hired an attorney to prepare the paperwork filed with the court, but we went to court pro se--representing ourselves. Even if the attorney had been in the court room with us, the outcome would have been the same.

We received permission from the agency five months ago to finalize this adoption. It took several weeks to find an attorney, another few weeks to get an appointment after we hired him, and then it was waiting for the postal service, waiting for paperwork, and waiting for a court date.

Finally, the day arrived, and we were at the court room for our 1:30 hearing.

I have heard about adoption hearings--how they are the cherry on top when it comes to family court; how the judge sometimes allows the child to sit in his/her chair, bang his/her gavel, offers to stand in for pictures, and overall helps everyone feel the celebration of creating the legal family ties that are already in place in every other way. We weren't in the court room when David's adoption was finalized as it happened in his birth state, and it was determined to be unnecessary for us to be in attendance. This was a new experience for us; I was expecting a celebration. 

The clerk of the court was so nice to us before and after the hearing. I didn't see the judge even look at us. Although I am told by the friend who came to snap photos (all photos were taken with permission of the court, don't worry) that he did look up from his papers once--while I was looking through our files to see if we had anything similar to the document that he was requesting.

The judge was purely justice. He was short and to the point--we needed one more document before we could finalize. I wish he had sworn us in, heard our testimony, and left the case "pending" to file this last court document--but he opened the court session and seven minutes later closed it without much ado. Now it's more waiting. Waiting for attorneys to make time for our case. Waiting for more paperwork. Waiting for the postal service to bring us what we need. Waiting for another court date.

As I held my sweet baby that night at bedtime, I connected all of the dots. We've been approved by the agency for five months. We've been delayed for five months. The legal proceedings are a formality for us, and nothing more. She is ours in every sense of the word. In a way, the legal proceedings don't really matter to me because they won't change anything in my heart from one moment to the next.

But I guess I have to admit that she is ours in almost every sense of the word. She is not yet ours eternally.

Legal proceedings are standing between us and taking Alina to be sealed to us in the temple. Now that's a different matter. It became clear that the delays are not in fighting anyone or anything in court--but it was the adversary that is trying to delay the blessings of the temple for our family. Alina is 8 months old next week. We are a temple worthy family. It is time. We need to take her to the temple, without any further delay. Once I understood the influence of the adversary over our delays for legal proceedings, my heart took courage. I can put up with legal proceedings being delayed. But I have no patience with Satan having a victory in delaying the blessing of the temple for our daughter. I don't know how to fight in a court room, but the power of my faith can overcome the power of Satan. Light always extinguishes the darkness, and it is time for the light of our faith to extinguish the uncertainty of when this process will be finalized.

We want to close on this adoption sooner rather than later. We want to keep our appointment to have her sealed to us at the end of May. If you are so inclined, will you join your faith and your prayers with ours that the finalization will happen immediately? It will be miraculous to find a solution and get back to court soon enough to see it through. We're not looking for a miracle here. We're looking for six or seven. It will take a lot of faith. We are grateful to have faithful friends and family whom we can call upon to help us see these miracles through.

It's something we want with our whole hearts. More importantly, we know that having Alina sealed to our family is a blessing that our Father in Heaven wants to grant to us.

Numbering Days

On Day 1, Alina took her first breath.

On Day 2, she gave us her first smile.

On Day 3, Alina checked out of the hospital and into the lovely home of Kent and DarLee.

On Day 4, Alina got her first hair bow.

On Day 5, Alina stayed up late to play the Great Dalmuti with LW, her mom Teena, friends Kip and April and of course with mom and dad.

On Day 6, Alina enjoyed the cuddles while LW, mom, and dad played games over at Uncle Eric's and Aunt Cheryl's home.

On Day 7, Alina went to church for the first time--in her darling dress.

On Day 8, Alina enjoyed her formula while mom and Dad had a truly Minnesoooohtan experience of eating a Juicy Lucy at the 5-8 club.

On Day 9, Alina was introduced to the Cheesecake Factory--and somehow the food still tasted like formula to her! (However, it was super yummy to Mom and LW.)

On Day 10, Alina said goodbye to our wonderful host family, Kent and DarLee Anderson.

 On Day 11, Alina arrived home to Alaska.

Unwavering

The feelings of this past week while we have welcomed our daughter have been intricately tied to the feelings we have for our dear birth mother. We first received an email from her when she was 6 weeks pregnant, and her decision to place her baby in our family has been absolutely unwavering. We see this very closely tied to her testimony of the gospel--especially the eternal perspective she has kept through it all.

LW created a birth plan which included decisions she had made surrounding the birth as it unfolded in the hospital. She wanted us present. She wanted me to be the first to hold Alina. She planned that we would have the primary care of Alina while she was still in the hospital--taking care of all the diapering, feeding, etc during those first 48 hours. And she planned that we would take Alina "home" with us from the hospital--even though placement didn't legally happen until 72 hours after birth.

Someone recently asked me how I could keep the relationship open--if I ever wanted to just move on with life, and not have to share my baby with anyone. My answer was immediate, and heartfelt when I heard myself say, "I have watched both of our birth mothers give birth to our children. It's easy to have an open adoption and share the life of my baby because it's hard to forget who shared first." The extent of sacrifice of our birth mothers is not lost on me.

During the pregnancy, LW once wrote in an email, "Although I feel her movements and see my body changing I have had a hard time accepting and believing that I'm actually pregnant. I realized that I have assumed the connection with Alina's spirit would be as her birth mother, but I have been looking at it wrong. I finally felt the connection with her yesterday, but as a friend. I felt so strongly that we had known each other and been good friends in the pre-exsistance. I joked with my mom that she must have been a very good friend if I agreed to go through the pain of delivering her."

I cannot adequately express how I feel about our dear birth mothers, who have taken such good care of our children while they carried them. It is so rare for an adoptive mother to say that her babies were not exposed to anything in utero that she would not choose for her own pregnancy. I consider my interaction with our birth mothers, as well as the tender feelings I have towards both of them, to be one of the most unexpected blessings of my life.

LW has stayed so unwavering because she has kept the eternal perspective--the view of what our relationship may have been like in the pre-earth life, as well as what our relationship with each other will continue to be in the future eternities. Her testimony is built upon the rock of Our Savior, Jesus Chirst. From the first time we received an email from LW, I felt deeply that this girl was a valiant soul. Her commitment to that testimony is deep, and I feel privileged to mother the baby she has carried.

More than words can ever, ever say--We love you, LW!