Legacy 2015

Each year my mom's side of the family gathers all the women for a Mothering conference. It's called Legacy, and it provides renewal for me in my role as Mother like nothing else has. Legacy seems to come around each year just in time to fill my mothering bucket with encouragement and a few good ideas.

I keep my blog focused on the positive, but please, dear reader, do not be deceived and think that our life is perfect. Sometimes the hard outnumbers the good, but I can assure you that it never outweighs it. Parenting at my house is hard. We deal with some difficult things. Sometimes I think that I have cut myself off from the rest of the world--I rarely talk on the phone to sisters and often time spent with friends turns into a parenting scene where my friends may or may not understand what is unfolding before them and why. There is so much more to our family than what meets the eye, and I constantly pray for the grace of others as they watch me interact as a mother. My whole world is parenting these two children that are in my stewardship, assigned by a loving Father who knows intimately well what they need from me . . . and, more importantly, what I need to learn from them. This is my season to be completely encased in my role as a mother; I embrace it.

Thankfully, I am confident that mothering is providing for me the intense refining that my soul needs. I hope it is also laying a foundation for my children to "know to what source they  may look for a remission of their sins . . . " (2 Nephi 25:26) as I am turning to my Savior, Jesus Christ, to lift me and purify me. I hope my children can see an example in me of admitting my faults and striving to overcome them through the Atonement. 

The other day I was reflecting on the purpose of some of our struggles in parenting, when light was shed for me on a possible "why". The experiences we have had together have cemented me as their mother in a love that is stronger than just having the good times together. My visions of becoming a mother glazed over anything "hard". Somewhere in the channels of my dreams, I knew it would come--but my visions paused mostly on the fun, happy times with my children. How little I knew about the depth of love that would come from my struggles. I love my children so dearly because I have struggled, and plead for answers. Oh, how my love for them has deepened while I have been on my knees.

In March, I made plans to travel to Legacy Conference. I was planning to make it a quick weekend trip and take Alina (because her ticket was free). But 12 hours before I boarded the plane, I knew it wasn't the best choice--my children and I both needed something different than a quick trip. I extended the trip to be 3 weeks, and added a ticket for David. I needed some quality time being uplifted by my own mother, and I knew my children would feel blessed by their Grandparents' love. 

The first day at the conference, I heard very little of what was said. I just soaked up the feeling of love in the room with my extended family. As usual, there were about 150 gathered for the conference. My children were with me, and the first day was on Friday, so I was in and out of the main meeting area, tending to my children. I had to think of it in terms of, "Well, I am getting more out of this meeting than if I had stayed in Alaska!" It was true--I felt the strength of being together with like-minded mothers. I was there with my sister, Dionne, and my mom, and I think Dacia came in and out around her work schedule. 

The second day, I was able to snag a couple of pre-teen girls to entertain David and Alina, and I basked in the messages shared. I heard ideas for how to diffuse emotions in our home, and ideas for balancing care of self with care of family. I was strengthened by testimonies of those who pull from the stories of our ancestry. It was a truly uplifting and edifying experience. I am so grateful I attended. 

As for the kids, David made friends with a few other kids that came in and out with their moms. He was a little disappointed when they kept leaving (none of the other children stayed all day because only the local moms brought their kids for short spurts), but he managed to stay entertained for two full days. Alina stayed close to me, and I was especially appreciative of the girls that entertained her on Saturday so I could listen to the messages. They even got her to fall asleep for them. 

This is one of my favorite pictures of Alina. I call her a "balls and dolls" girl. She loves both equally well. The older girls began playing basketball while the adults were cleaning up. As soon as Alina could, she chased down their loose ball and held on to it. The girls tried to kindly coax it out of her hands, but Alina would not give it up. She had waited for a turn with that ball, and she didn't seem to care that she was holding up their game by hanging on to their ball. Eventually the girls pried it out of her arms, and Alina was totally heart broken. She saw herself as being as big as any of those girls, and she really wanted to play ball with them.  

The "doll" side of Alina came out with her ooohing and awing over all the real babies in the room. On one of the days, during lunch, she went around to about 8 baby carriers and lifted up the blankets, looking for the babies. She (luckily) didn't find any,because they were being held by their mothers around the room while they ate lunch. But she did find 4 cell phones in her inspection of the baby carriers. She brought the stash of cell phones to me, and I had no idea where to begin with returning them. So I left them up front, and I assume all of the  mothers reclaimed their misplaced phones.

On another note, I happened to look around the room and see something astonishing. Cute footwear. Everywhere. There were sparkly sandals and painted toes, pumps and wedges galore! I couldn't even describe half of the shoes that I saw. In fact, I am pretty certain that I was the only lady in the room with wool socks on her feet (because let's be honest, that's all I own . . . ) Sandals are so far from my reality. I'll admit that the sense of fashion made me wish for a warmer climate where my wardrobe didn't rely so much on the sinking mercury. I know there are some Alaskan moms that pull off the sandal look, but I am not one of them. When I try it, I freeze. The difference in Alaska between standing in the sunshine and standing in the shade is significant. So I don't even mess with sandals. Maybe someday I will . . . .but only when I move South. 

But for now, I'm just planning to return next year to Legacy. I'm sure I'll need another renewal for my mothering self by then, and Legacy is a fantastic place to find that.